12 Months to a Better Marriage: Expectations etc.

12 Months to a Better Marriage

Expectations are the starting point in any marriage equation. You have them. Lots of them. Some of them are conscious; some of them are unconscious. Some of them are legitimate; some of them are not. Most of your fights center around expectations. Since we are married to a human we are often disappointed by their imperfections, especially when those imperfections trespass on my expectations.

So here is my first marriage assignment.

Use this sheet using a notebook for your responses or download and printout the 3Questions document.

Follow these instructions in filling out the form:
Each of you will fill out the form individually and privately. The initial part of the exercise is solo.
There are 3 questions with two parts (His and Hers) that require 5 responses for a total of 30 spaces to fill in. You must fill in every one of those spaces

Once you are done with the filling out part…

Set a date with your spouse. Sometime between now and Valentine’s Day (this cannot be your Valentine’s Day activity) you need to have a date with the following parameters:

  • It cannot take place at home; you must go somewhere.
  • Just the two of you (no friends or children allowed).
  • The date will last for a minimum of two hours.
  • The date will consist of conversation.
  • If you go to dinner, it must be at a restaurant that will be comfortable with you taking a table for up to three hours.
  • Exhaustively cover all three questions on the 3 Questions Questionnaire.

The goal is to express and understand each other in what we expect from one another, what we like about one another, what we are afraid of with regard to one another and the future. Ask clarifying and probing questions.

Here are the three sets of questions:

Expectations

Expectations are the starting point in any marriage equation. You have them. Lots of them. Some of them are conscious; some of them are unconscious. Some of them are legitimate; some of them are not. Most of your fights center around expectations. Since we are married to a human we are often disappointed by their imperfections, especially when those imperfections trespass on my expectations.

  • What are your spouses (future spouses) 5 top needs?
  • What are your 5 greatest needs?

Strengths

Strengths make a marriage. Emphasizing strength is the building block strategy that smart couples adopt in their marriage and family. A healthy marriage is based upon two healthy/strong people joining together and working together to accomplish the God given goals of marriage.

  • List 5 qualities that attracted you to your spouse (future spouse):
  • What are your 5 best qualities?

Fears

What are you afraid of in your marriage? Often these fears are left unspoken in the hope that marriage will change things. That is unlikely. As you look into the future and have an honest discussion about what you will be fighting about you will likely discover what it is you are afraid of

  • In Order of importance, list 5 potential problem areas you foresee in your marriage:
  • List the 5 areas you think your future spouse thinks will be problems:

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